Here goes. Straight from the heart, without pondering phrases or themes. completely and truly un-edited. pure rambling thoughts.

Sometimes I want to blog and have no one read it – i guess tha’s why here’s a private post setting.  But then it feels like I’m hiding something, and I dont like that either. i’m all about transparency.

my “t” button on my keyboard is incredibly stubborn. My sentence up there was supposed to say “That’s why There’s..”  just cuz I’m not editing, doesn’t mean I dont see or care about my mistakes. hmm.. i could go somewhere with that thought. perhaps later.

I am 28 today. On sunday I was 27. i feel like an infant. still in my twenties, and yet i feel like i’ve seen so much, lived through so much.  but i’m still a baby.  i am trying to fathom what I will feel like when I am twice my current age.  I truly have alwways looked forward to aging.  maybe not the creaky knees part, but the living life part, the growing, maturing, learning, loving.

I have not blogged since we moved out of Detroit. tha tpoic could take up a whole post of it’s own.  It is enough for now to say that I am in a state of awe at where God has taken us.  I pinch myself often to remind myself that it’s real, that I will not wake up in Detroit tomorrow, that I dont have to go home to Detorit tonight. 

The road that lead andrew and I to this place of blessing was paved with trials, and at least a couple of ly canyons.  Somehow, through the Grace of Our Lord, we pressed on, held eachtoher up, and made it through to his peaceful pasture.  But now that I am here, i dont want to lose that desperation for God.  I want to stay so ultra dependant on Him.  If nothing else, my times of weakness  and frailty were times of incredible faih building and growth.  Now I am in this place of comfort, and I am aware that comfortable places can lul me into pride or complacency. 

Lord help me to seek you like my life depends on it, even when I am not at rock bottom. Because… my life depends on it.

I had a great dream last night. It may have only lasted a few seconds, but it was an exciting few seconds.

I was running through a jungle – that’s exciting already isn’t it? It was tropical – brightly colored strange plants and vines were everywhere. Suddenly, I felt surrounded by faceless enemies. My heart was beating fast- but I was not afraid. I had a fierceness and a strength unlike I have ever experienced. In my hands I held the most beautiful sword. It was a substantial sword – the double-edged blade was well over four-feet long, maybe five inches wide and as shiny as a mirror. The handle was elaborately carved, gleaming gold. I began to swing my SWORD, and just kept swinging it. To my left and right, behind me and in front, I was slaying enemies on all sides with the precise and ly weapon. I had no fear. Though the enemies seemd to multiply, coming out of nowhere, I kept swinging. I did not grow tired, and I was winning. It was an AWEsome feeling – and then I woke up.

To me, the Sword represents the Word of God: The Bible, Jesus – for Jesus was the Word made flesh.

“For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

There are battles in my life that I have little or no control over inasmuch that I cannot simply wish them away. And yet, I carry a substantial weapon against which no enemy can stand: The Word of God. With only a Word He created the Heavens and the Earth. Our words are more powerful than we can ever imagine. It is written that the tongue holds the power of life and (prov. 18:21) By reading the Bible, soaking it in, mediating on it’s promises, my strength is restored.

I have seen this in my life! I am confident in God’s promises for me. The more I read, the more I am encouraged. For those who belong to Christ, no moutain is too big to be cast into the sea (Matt 17:20.)

Over and over, speaking God’s words has brought restoration and wholeness to me and my family. From out of nowhere, we recieve a check in the mail. When difficult relationship situations arise, I can forgive and find restoration by His strength and through reading and praying scriptures like Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Praise God for the gift of His Word.

Isaiah 55
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.

9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Psalm 149:6
May the praise of God be in their mouths and a double-edged sword in their hands,

Ephesians 6:17
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God

as changing my life.

I’ve taken a big step back from my computer lately and I’m loving it.  I don’t need to be on here more than 30 minutes a day.  

It’s part of a bigger change I think.  And I’m not quite sure how to word it. 

I like to write.  But my desire is to be sure that when I am taking the time to write something on my public journal (here) I am writing about the works that God is doing in my life. 

The less time I spend in the blogging community, or on facebook, the more time I have to spend with Him.  Easy math right?

You know how married couples start to look like eachother after years of marriage? Do you know why? Because when we communicate with someone, we try to mirror their gestures and expressions – as a way to build trust with the person. 

When I spend time gazing  into the face of my heavenly Father, whether it be in my prayer closet, or singing His praises or reading the precious words of life He wrote for me, I will begin to look more like Him.  This is my hope, my passion, my calling.

He is jealous for me.

I will probably see you around here from time to time. And in between those times, know that I’m thinking of you.

Someone dear to me shared a quote that he had memorized ten years ago because it so touched his heart. 

“Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.”

By Thomas Paine in The American Crisis

Best Quote: Riding home from Christmas day activites, looking at the pretty decorated houses, my 5 year old Grace, almost jumped out of her seat when she heard the “Hallelujah Chorus” play on the radio.

“Hey! This is the song I wrote! How did they (the radio people) know it?!” she yelled out. Her smile couldn’t have been any bigger.  Yes, she “wrote” the song  months ago at her Grandma’s house on a fancy shmancy keyboard that was on some sort of demo setting.

Best Book: I just finished reading The Mysterious Benedict Society to my 8 year old. I highly reccommend it.  It’s a fabulous book, even for adults.  We have started the sequel.

Best Present: My Christmas Cactus, which I have been faithully taking care of for the last eight months, bloomed for the first time two days before Christmas. 

Two more days until the kids go back to school.  I will be happy to get back into a routine again – vacation has really made me unproductive.  I have a whole week before I start my classes again, and hopefully I can get a lot of packing done in that week.

Best thing I’m doing today? Taking my kids ice skating for the first time!

What were some highlights from your Holiday Break?