i’m all ready for my garage sale (not at my house) i hope to make a few extra bucks over the next couple days to put toward school stuff for me and the kids.
stuff. yeesh. what a word. anyway.
here i sit, sweating. i feel like i’ve been sweating for weeks, but especially these past couple days. dog days like these make me appreciate the other three seasons that much more.
i want to show you something:
this is one of my all time favorite birthday gifts ever. there’s a story here. a few months ago, during the last weeks of school, i drove by a garage sale. i dont stop at garage sales often, but i had time, so i thought ‘why not.’ i saw this dresser/night stand for thirty bucks, and i couldnt think of a reason NOT to buy it. in my purse i had a little birthday money from andrew’s grandparents and my dad, and i have been wanting a new dresser forever. (i’ve had the same hand-me down dresser since i was 15 … and it was my brothers for probably ten years before it was mine.)
i fell in love with these pieces ( the owner said it was from 1970ish, i was thinking late sixties?) it’s solid furniture, dovetailed. i totally acted on impulse and bought it and brought it home. it sat in my garage, sanded and washed and waiting for my crazy month of june to be over. and a few weeks ago my husband gave me such a gift when he sprayed a fresh coat of paint on it, and screwed on some shiny new hardware. anywho – i am thankful for andrew and his hard work and wanted to show it off a bit.
i didn’t intend to write that much about the silly dresser. oh well. out it came, and there it stays.
what i really wanted to write about tonight was something bigger. more grand than i can explain. in my mind are thoughts about faith. what it is – and isn’t. why i’ve been afraid of it. i’ve been hoping for some time now. but i am praying and desiring the step beyond hope which is faith. for instance my hope in knowing that God CAN heal us versus the faith that says he WILL heal us. i have stayed so far away from faith because of situations that turned me off from it. people/doctrines that teach a faith that’s formulaic, manipulative or selfish.
i’ve been thinking. i’ve been praying. i am tired of standing back and letting life happen and hoping for the best, instead of stepping up, getting on my knees and doing something about it. i want to have something better than hope to offer the world. i want to have faith, backed up by deeds, to show others that there is a loving God in our midst – waiting for someone to believe and take hold of what he taught his first disciples so long ago. i want that. i’m still thinking, and praying, and i have nothing figured out. but this is heavy on my heart and exciting to my soul.