Not long ago, it had me in tears – just the thought of it. Yet, something happened. Some way, somehow, I am now thrilled at the prospect. I will never forget our conversation as we lay in bed last night.
“What changed?” he asked.
“I’m not exactly sure” . . . except I have a hunch this is all God’s doing.
I am not usually one to change my mind easily, or let go of an idea quickly. Yet here i am , a mind totally changed seemingly overnight.
Again and again in this life I have found myself at cross-roads, wondering which road to take. Nervously I glance down one road and then down the other, biting my nails and praying God will just take away the wrong choice or at least make it obviously undesirable. Nevertheless, way more often than I’m comfortable with, God leaves choices up to me. I can choose to take road A or road B, and I can feel that either road is good for different reasons; I can almost see God standing back, giving me an all-knowing and slightly amused look. I’m sure this free-will thing is supposed to make me feel loved and valued, but it usually ends-up leaving me feeling confused and desperate for someone to just give me the right answer – as if there were always a single right answer.
This time is different. I feel a strong pushing towards a single road, and an uncanny Peace. I simply cannot explain this – given that my heart was against this decision a few weeks ago – except that I have been praying that God would lead us and I have been open to hearing whatever He has to say.
Last night we concluded that we just couldn’t deny our Father’s prodding any longer – we had to recognize it and begin to act.
“But, what happens in a few years?” he asked.
“I really don’t know.”
And yet we know that if he is leading us here, now, He won’t abandon us there and then. When the time comes I am trusting it will be clear to us.
So what am I talking about anyway? What’s all the fuss about? No, we aren’t moving out of the country (just yet), or even out of our house. No we aren’t planning to change religions or even switch churches. We aren’t trying to get pregnant and we’re not adopting a baby (right now.) Our decision is that I will postpone my pursuit of a Nursing degree in favor of homeschooling our son who has been struggling in school, and while we’re at it we may as well give our daughter a rockin’ homeschool education too.
There. I said it. It’s out there for the world to see and I’m not taking it back. This decision may not seem like a big deal to some, but it’s huge to me . . .
(to be continued [again] with more on this journey.)