When the Heart Aches

Yesterday was a day full of ordinary troubles. Not exactly an easy day, but nothing deserving of pity.  A night of sleep diminishes yesterday’s troubles even more. But in the moment, you know, a trouble is a trouble is a trouble.   It seemed yesterday brought more than its fair share.

All day I was longing for time with my Creator. When it wasn’t a conscious longing, it was that itchy nagging feeling in my heart that there was something else I would rather be doing right then.  Oh yes, to be with my God!

It was one of those days when I just could not be at rest.  Until finally that afternoon, 2:43 pm to be precise, I sat down on my couch, set down my hot tea, let my head fall back onto the sofa, and closed my eyes.  Oh that wonderful first moment of a day when everything fades away and I feel alone with my Love, my Lord.  My stress melts into him and He absorbs it somehow.

Sitting alone, thinking of Him, I try to find words.  Nothing seems right. So many needs are pressing on my mind. Do I ramble them all off to the Creator? As if He doesn’t know about that ailment that needs healing, that broken heart that needs mending, the relationships that are in distress, the one who is at the end of the rope, the one who needs a job, the one who needs to sell her car, the one who is suddenly out in the world seemingly alone. . . .

I am crumbling on the couch. My heart heavy and sore from aching for the ones I love. There are no words now, just tears.  I become aware of His greatness and strength as He somehow lifts these burdens onto His own striped back.  My trembling heart is trusting that I don’t need to speak all these troubles, because Jesus sees it all.

And His heart aches too.

It hit me hard – trying to imagine the magnitude of God’s heartache.  I may ache for a handful of people right now, but my Father has a world-full of heartache – a heartache that is thousands of years long.   What must it be like to love so many people so completely?  To have that deep and unyielding love even for those who reject you?

I am glad He is God and I am not. I would die of heart-break.

But I am His, and He is mine. He chose us, even knowing the pain that would come. And I am thankful for the hope I have found.  Without it my world would be so dark, or full of vices, or both.  Yet instead of darkness, there is light.  Troubles that would have tied me down years ago, lose their strength in the light of eternity. Pressing into the words of His Book, the bigger picture becomes clear, and I can rejoice to be a part of it all.

I expect my heart will ache until I reach heaven. . . . I don’t necessarily want to lose that because it stirs me to pray and to love, and it connects me with the God who has the biggest heartache of all.


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