So many thoughts…
Life has been challenging for me for so long, (like the last 5 years) so I suppose it is understandable that others have come to expect me to be in a hard place. Some people don’t seem to believe me lately when I say that things are good. At first, those reactions made me scratch my head a little bit, and wonder why people almost seem to want to hear that I am struggling . . . but I think it is not that. I think people have good intentions, and like to be helpful.
But the short of it is, that, well, at this time, I don’t actually need counseling if you can believe it . . . .but would very much appreciate someone rejoicing with me that things are good! I still have hard things happen, but it’s okay because my eyes are set on bigger things and my hope is fixed on a rock that doesn’t waver.
So why was that hard for me for the last five years? I had that same hope didn’t I? Yes I did. But it was still the longest hard season of my life. I may never know what it was all for, but I know there was growth – and growth is good.
I can see the end of this long dark tunnel I’ve been traveling through for too long.
So what is going well? Well for starters, I feel like my head is screwed on straight for the first time in YEARS. I feel like myself again . . . I keep seeing little hints of me popping out . . . and I like it.
I missed me.
What else? There have been absolute MIRACLES in my home this year and I would be a fool to dismiss them as anything else. Prayers are heard, my friends.
Also, Andrew and I are very much feeling a pull towards more. We’re refocusing on purpose. I’m dreaming of things that go against my nature and will be impossible for me in my own strength, but excite me nonetheless.
And all of these seeming impossibilities highlight for me the importance of listening to the Spirit. I do not know what my future holds, or how big or small the adventures will be, but I know what I need and who will get me there.
I need to follow Christ.